...my name, my purpose...

~

If I close my eyes, I am there again. There's thunder and lightening.. I can hear the rain pounding into the earth. There's a feminine presence, but I do not know her name or face, only that I'd do anything to stay near her. It's like a dream, my being borne; because when I open my eyes again, I find it hard to believe all that has happened since...

~

My Master, Goldeye, said that Mother died giving birth to me, it was a lie, I could sense that. I let him believe he'd deceived me. I wasn't afraid of him like the other slaves, because unlike them, I saw him as he truly was. I was taught to be silent and obedient, like any of the slaves; but again unlike them, I was beaten more often. "This is for your own good," Master said, laying me across the hard stone steps and uncoiling his whip. He never beat any of the slaves himself, I thought I must be especially bad-or honored. I was not sure for a while. Cry out? No, the penalty for that I learned before walking. The whippings I could handle, it was what tried my mind that was hard. The mind games that were played, the brainwashing, they would put any Kender in a state of awe. I was the Errand boy, that was all I knew; it was my name, my purpose.

That and I was the worst slave. I had to be, to be whipped so often. I was honored too, because I was Goldeye's personal Errand boy....now, thinking on it, that was the worst of all the punishments.

~

One late night when Master expected special guests, I was summoned to carry the water buckets to his bath. The buckets were heavy, and I was small; but I managed them from the stables, down the corridors, and into Master's chambers. I had to walk quickly so the water wouldn't be cold...and then I tripped. The steps up to the bath were steep and I spilled some water. It wasn't enough to make a difference in the several trips I had to make, or so I thought. I poured my buckets into the bath and hurried to refill them, but Master stopped me as I made my way down the steps. He'd seen me spill those few drops. That was the worst whipping. "Errand!", he roared. "Go and fetch my whip from off that chair and bring it here to me." I knew not to delay, and set down my buckets, doing as commanded.

~

In recollection of the very first meeting of a whip, I know that I had cried out and screamed. Then as the whippings became more frequent, I learned not to cry or scream, but fall into that place inside where the voices called to me using a name I didn't know. Until that night I spilled the water, it had remained that way.

There seemed no end to the lashings; the first brought me face down on the cold floor. The second tore at my back and a shoulder. There was no mercy that night, I had to be carried back to my palate, bloodied from front to back. When morning came, I wasn't on my palate, but in a wooden cage in the middle of the arena, and it was raining. I awoke, not because the downpour was refreshing, but because each drop licked painfully at my many wounds. There I was left for countless days, in continuous rains. It was during this time that I learned of something deep within me, not unlike my odd "sensing" of things. I dreamt of a woman, her hair long and black, and her eyes a crystal-like blue. She called me Stormlight, and said that I was her grandson, and she was Dustchild. She said that I had the power to leave Goldeye's Realm, whenever I chose. She reached a hand out to me, I remember it as warm and soft, like it was real. So I believed it was at the time, and right I was to do so. She led me out of my Master's Realm, and I awoke in a forest, to sunshine. I had been freed.

~

I was still badly torn and bruised, but the wonder of another realm kept any pain at bay. I was amazed by everything, it "felt" different than my home realm. That presence that I had not known since my birth, called to me. It lead me to an inn, and here I learned of this new place. It was at the Green Dragon Inn that I learned of love and kindness. Things were not taught here with anger and a whip, not by most. I could feel my mother's presence throughout this place, but I could not find her. In truth I was afraid to. I lost hope of finding her, even. My first night there, I was cleansed and clothed properly. Taken out of my rags, and into the riches that would spoil me.

~

It was IceMaiden that took pity on me, and later her husband Marauder. I can never forget their kindness. I called them mother and father, for they were all that I had known. They took me in and protected me, giving me a family and a place to call home. Sadly, I knew that I could not remain with them, Dustchild and things she showed to me, told me that. Not only that, but Master had known where to find me. It was only a short time before he began seeking me out, and calling me back. I was afraid to lose my new family, and see them harmed, but I didn't want to go back either. I was to learn a new thing about Goldeye, another power besides that of his fierce whip. He could hurt me from within.

~

I can't explain what it is he did, or how it hurt, it just was. My mind, still young and untrained in its abilities, was susceptible to his wishes. He often saw through my eyes, heard through my ears, because I did not know how to drive him away. This drove my new parents crazy, but I did not know these things were happening. When these things apparently, did not give Goldeye what he wished, the pain began. I would scream, clutching my head and fall to my knees, writhing in unexplainable pain. It was more than I could bear, and I snuck from my parents to return to my Master. It would have been easier if he had not threatened to expose them to the pain I experienced, this is what convinced me.

KAI 04/99